nights like tonight

  On nights like tonight, when  the minutes seem to take longer to pass and even tho my body is exhausted,  my mind likes to keep me up! Swimming with ideas and worries and lists and melodies and memories and the over active imaginations, that i am pretty sure i will never "out grow" at this point.
   i sometimes get the need to write, and in my own way purge my mind and soul of the things that consume me to the point of insomnia ... i have Google docs full of memories born on nights just like tonight. some set in poetry, or fanciful fairy tales, others read more like a raw journal entry expressing the pain of loss, or the trials of raising children. or the heart aches of my past, and the things that still haunt me.
    i hope to some day feel free/confidant enough to bring them out into the world, to share them with you all because i feel like if i can break out of my self imposed "safety box",( i guess a more used term would be "comfort zone") some thing magical might happen!
    now i am not sure what, but i feel like these things, stories, experiences or what ever, might help somebody else like me. i know i am just one little person in this huge crazy world. and i am sure my experiences are not unique, that we all have the stories, pains and glories of our journeyings around the sun. but if we each try to share some of those things that make us "us" maybe this world won't feel so big and scary. maybe that person who "kind of creeps you out", is more like you then you ever thought possible. and maybe this experiment will help me grow/heal in a way i might not have been able to, by keeping myself to myself! :) sharing is caring right?!?  so here goes ... i will start small and maybe work my way up to the "bearing of my soul and the telling of my most appalling secrets!"

so here are the lyrics to a song that i wrote about one of the more difficult times in my life... take it for what it is, and i hope you enjoy this little piece of me...

my truth

by: Alina Lyman

living in a time i cant remember,

maybe cause i wasn't quite there.

i sat in a room and looked out the window

and i found peace in my own fears.

because i knew life never stands still, its always changing

so i knew eventually I'd be going home.

and sooner or later the hell that i was facing,

would lead me to truths I'd never known.

but still some times at night while i am sleeping

i dream of things familiar but so far.

i haven't figured out all the meanings

or why i still want to see the scars.

so please don't give me all the reasons

some things are better left unsaid

besides i already know all the answers

as they play over in my head.

i cant stop these tears that i am crying

even though I've cried them all before

and in the end nothings all that different

i still cant count the sand upon the shore

but maybe some day when i am perfect

like you always wanted me to be

face to face and with your arms wide open

you'll accept the girl i came to be.