it was so embarrassing...

so yesterday i finally got up to bare my testimony in church. i have been wanting to get up there and share the things that have been in my heart for the last 16 months, but fear has always kept me glued to my seat. and today i was reminded why...
 the second i got up there, all the things i had planned on saying went right out of my head! and as if that wasn't bad enough i ended up with tunnel vision fixated on a scuff mark on the end of the microphone so on top of fumbling through, i probably looked cross eyed to boot! (ha! that will teach me!)...
  not to mention that as i walked up to the pulpit i lost a heel on the stairs. it was just a horrifying experience all around!
 i was so bummed, because i really thought that if i could just muster up the courage to get up there the lord would help me say the things that were in my heart. instead i think there were some primary kids who sounded and looked more eloquent then me!
 so i have been haunted by this experience, and am trying really hard not to let it bring me down. because i know in my heart my testimony burns bright. i just suck at articulating it on the fly in front for 100's of people when i am hungry!!  and that's okay. that's what my blog and one on one conversations with friends are for...redemption!  ...
i will say this, i am glad that i did it,( in spite of all the horror.) because even though it was ego bruising, at least i can say that i tried, and at least i don't have that guilt or shame of ignoring the spirits urge for me to get up this month. and who knows? maybe i needed to be humbled a bit. or maybe through my rambling somebody might have been touched, or at the very least was given the courage to get up and share what was in their heart by making myself an "easy follow"! who knows, i will just chalk it up to another embarrassing learning moment for me. and pray i do better next time...But until then....

 i would like you all to know, that i know that Jesus is my redeemer! i know he loves me, with all my imperfection and struggles he is there for me, patiently waiting for me to let him back into my life and fix all my broken pieces and make me whole. and to remind me who i really am! and  that is a daughter of god!

 i am grateful beyond word for his sacrifice for me, and for the example his life was/is.

i am grateful for the scriptures! i know when god wants to talk to me all i have to do is flip through its pages and i can find the perfect words, the lord had placed with in them (what seems like) just for me, thousands of years ago by his prophets!

 i know God loves ALL of his children! i know he knows each of us by name and hears our prayers! and even more then that!  he knows our worth and what we can become through his sons atonement, and we are precious to him! even when we are broken, or flat out rejecting him, he waits with arms out stretched to reclaim us. and for that i am humbled and grateful and blessed.

i love the temple! i love the promises i made with in its walls. to feel heaven so close and to have the veil be so thin, is truly one of the greatest gifts god has on this earth for those who would enter in.

 i love that families can be together forever! to know this life is not the end for our spirits, but that there is hope and peace and many a great reunions beyond this life. i have seen it, i have felt it and it is a truth in my heart and mind that will not be moved.

  i am grateful for the holy spirit. for its workings in my life, for the guidance and protection and wonders it brings and  for the truth it bares witness of.

i love the gospel! i love who i am when i live by its teachings. i love the happiness and peace it produces in my life, even tho at times i may  lose a heel and my ability to form coherent and complete sentences on fast Sunday!  :)