my love-hate relationship with nature

Today in church we were asked about "our priceless heritage of hope"... and how we have been taught or came to know of, and how we teach our children of the Lord and Savior and Gospel truths. And even though i have amazing pioneer background and stories of faith from grandparents and such, this experience and thoughts are what kept popping into my mind...(i didn't share them out loud because i am a chicken and i was worried my thoughts wouldn't fit in..) but i felt as tho i should share them here.

when i was a child my family did a lot of camping, and still to this day my dad loves to hike...i don't think i will ever find the joy in either of those two activities. but i have learned lessons that i think have helped me through other aspects of my life by my (somewhat less than) willingness to participate in outdoor activities such as family camping and hiking trips with my dad.

lets talk camping... its always either too cold or hot, most of the time rainy and always bug infested.  and usually someone gets sick or hurt. and without fail you will always get dirty, sticky, and itchy. .  and if you are lucky there are bathrooms... but most of the time the bathrooms are more scary then the possibility of someone or thing walking up and seeing you pee in a bush... so really in my mind camping is one of the worst forms of self torture ever invented! the only thing worse than camping trips are hiking trips.... its all the misery of camping but, you get to spend the day walking, usually uphill carrying a big old heavy backpack, eating handfuls or "gerbil food" or cardboard flavored "power" bars. and you do this all for what?!  to see some majestic view that i would have been just as happy to see a photo of and saved myself a few bug bites. 

but knowing how much i disliked camping and all of that nonsense, when i was 12 my dad made me a deal... he said "Alina, go on this one hiking trip with me and i will never make you go on another one ever again!" ...SOLD!  so after discussing my options we decided on hiking the Zion narrows. it was a pretty flat hike, there was a river to slosh through so in my mind that sounded like more fun then climbing up the side of a huge rock and a probable bear attack...(half dome)

so i got ready for this trip with a few goals in mind.
1) i wanted to prove to my dad and myself that i could do it.
2)  i wanted my dad to know that i loved him enough to put myself through this torture because i knew it would make him happy. 
tho the nights before the trip were riddled with nightmares, and i got more and more anxious as the day got closer,  i was determined i was gonna do it!

it was my first big hike, and it was a hard hike for me. i had to carry that big heavy backpack, and i had to walk through the river and over bumpy rocks, i hiked so hard that first day, trying to show my dad what i good hiker i could be, that i didn't stop to drink enough, and by the time we go to our campsite i got sick and was throwing up, and to top it off the campsite was full of spiders! and there was a cliff above us with huge boulders that i imagined would somehow roll off the edge and crush us in our sleep! yet i couldn't go to sleep because i was afraid of all the spiders and rocks, and my body was just too sore to sleep on hard dirt. (honestly, why do people like camping?)

when we got up the next morning we still had a long day of hiking ahead of us. and i didn't think i could do it! i was weak from throwing up and lack of sleep, and my muscles were sore from hiking so hard the day before, but i wanted to finish the hike, i wanted my dad to be proud of me for doing this hard thing with him.

as the day went on and i had to keep on hiking the water in the river got so deep, that i had to swim with the big pack on, and it was hard! but i wanted to do it! so i kept splashing and kicking and trying to keep up, but because i was so tired and small, the weight of the pack pulled me under and i started drowning! it was scary and i started to cry! because i knew that my dad was carrying the heaviest pack and that it was probably hard for him too, but as i swallowed another mouth full of gross river water, i finally called out for my dad to help me, because i realized even tho i wanted to do this on my own i just couldn't! 

so with what seemed like super hero speed, he was at my side, he took my backpack and let me swim to where the water was shallow so i could catch my breath, he hugged me, and he said he was watching me struggle and he wanted so bad to help me, but he also knew i wanted to do it by myself so he waited until i was ready to ask for and accept his help. knowing i felt horrid for making him carry my pack he told me of when he was a boy scout and he was too weak to carry his pack and how he felt when his scoutmaster carried his pack for him. my dad ended up carrying my backpack for a long time, so i could swim through the deep parts with out sinking, and i was able to finish the hike! i am glad that i could yell for my dad to help me and he was there! that he was strong enough to carry my pack and his, and give me the support i needed to get through that tough experience!

lately i have been struggling again, and in a very similar way "drowning" in the challenges i face in my life. and as i have contemplated the scriptures i was thinking about the story when the two disciples of Christ, who with heavy heart walked the road to emmaus, (Luke 24) and i have realized, that much like those 2 travelers, the lord has been with me. the lord has been teaching me and comforting me, and yes even carrying me. on this spiritual hike which is my life, he has asked me to travel with him. 

i have learned that when the lord asks us to do something (for or with him) he is not gonna let us fail. he has prepared a way for us. that because of Jesus, we don't have to carry our "backpacks" full of all our pain or sadness by ourselves! that  Jesus is there with open arms just waiting for us to ask for his help! to give us hugs and make us feel better! and he will always be there, no matter where we are! no matter if its late at night crying on our pillows for no reason or during the craziest, busiest part of the day! or just stuck hiking down a trail we don't want to be on, he is just waiting for us to believe in his power, to ask for his help, so he can help us feel better! because that's what he promised to do, that was part of the plan! for him to help and save us! and that is a huge blessing!

i wanted to share a quote that has brought me some hope and comfort " because Jesus walked such a long lonely path, utterly alone, we don't have to." i am grateful for my dad who taught me these lessons, both intentionally through the sharing of his testimony and unintentionally, like on stupid hikes. both ways have lead me to a knowledge for myself of a loving Father in Heaven and Savior.

Now that i am a mom, i still hate camping, but have been blessed with kids who love nature and the "great outdoors" and all that it comes with it! Yes, my daughter will literally cuddle a spider. And my son loves making mud and digging holes more than the next kid! But it does my heart good!! And i will tell you why... Because with every new insect they find or knotted flower crown or rock they bring to me, i get to share with them my testimony that a loving heavenly father, has created all these things just for them!
That the power of his mighty hand is amazing and all around us! 
How wonderful it is that he would think to make grasshopper's legs not only be able to hop high enough to jump on your head, but to also make "bug music"?! 
Or that he would create beautiful flowers that would grow in their own seasons and in endless color combinations, designs. (just like his children) 
And that we have been blessed with these wonderful bodies to enjoy them all! 
it is my desire that they will be able to recognize and appreciate all living things, as Gods creation. and build a testimony for themselves of him, and his love. To have that knowledge so deeply rooted inside them, that in the future, when they are sent off into this world and wander. That if they ever get lost, or confused or question their place in this existence, they won't have to look farther than right outside their window, and see a butterfly or a star filled sky, to remember who they are, where they came from and where home really is, and that they aren't walking alone through this life.