Fastpass please!

The one year mark of the start of our homelessness is almost upon us, and i have been really frustrated by the lack of progress in securing a permanent dwelling for my family. I ache to once again be surrounded by my own things. to be able to tuck my kids into their own beds... like real beds! To bake in my own kitchen! to be able to calm my kids when they are having a rough day in the comfort of the squeaky old rocking chair, i used when they were babies. Just those little seemingly insignificant things that i have taken for granted all these years,  I find i truly, truly miss. 

I felt so strongly that moving to Oregon was the right move for our family, Like it was where God had directly asked us to go. And i am not saying that great lessons were not learned and his hand was not seen or felt in that decision, but when things boiled down and we ended up coming back home to Arizona i thought, "ok now the ball is rolling, we have accomplished what needed to be done and we are back on the path to normalcy"... So i thought! LOL

Every day i have prayed, Every day we have looked, Every day i have tried to find direction and peace in something! Some sort of plan... because "luck favors the prepared" so i felt needed to keep moving, I needed to keep trying and searching... for houses and opportunities to rebuild my life... and i am not gonna lie, It has been hard. day after day, my hopes rising with the sun, that "today might be the day" only to have them fall like the sun, deep into a dark loss. and pray that hope will return in the morning.

Last night as grief washed over me, and i crumbled into prayer yet again. I heard Gods voice whisper in my heart, "Alina, sometimes i will ask you to move, and sometimes i need you to be still. And right now i need you to be still and trust me."

I have to say it was comforting, and at the same time not! Knowing hotel prices are going to go up significantly in January, our days staying here at the Hilton are numbered. So i HAVE to keep trying to find a house! But i don't think "stop looking and trying" is what he meant...

 You know when kids are really excited or anxious about something, and how relentless they can be, running around and talking if not screaming in circles around you. ... i think maybe that is how i am appearing to God right now. like an over stimulated kid waiting in line at Disneyland... and he is just gently telling me to "take a chill pill, wait in line and my turn will come." though waiting calmly is hard,  knowing if i just stay in line, eventually it will be my turn, is helpful. 

i wish i had a Fastpass! ...sigh.