just let me cry

So in my crazy adventures, there have been times where i needed to put on my "game face" and be strong. and that's okay. i don't have a problem with that. But there have been times where my road got really rough, and all i wanted to do, is sit with my head in my hands and cry....but i felt like by doing so, i was being ungrateful, or that my faith wasn't strong enough, or like i was being a baby, because compared to others my trials are rather insignificant. (and i would gladly keep my pain, then shoulder that of some others who i know are wrestling with MUCH more) and just down play my struggles... but the truth is, this has been one of the hardest things i have ever had to go through... and sometimes it just overwhelms me, and i cry... and last night was one of those nights... so, i snuck out of the small room we are all sleeping in, and came out to write my feelings down. and instead the lord lead me to this song, by Hilary Weeks

I believe that everything happens for a reason
We're not just tossed by the wind or left in the hands of fate
But sometimes life sends a storm that's unexpected
And we're forced to face our deepest pain

When I feel the heartache begin to pull me under
I dig my heels in deep and I fight to keep my ground
Still at times the hurt inside grows stronger
And there's nothing I can do but let it out

Just let me cry
I know it's hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn't going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don't ask when and don't ask why
Just let me cry

When I agreed that God could put this heart inside me
I understood that there would be a chance that it would break
But I know He knows exactly how I'm feeling
And I know in time He'll take the pain away
But for now

Just let me cry
I know it's hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn't going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don't ask when and don't ask why
Just let me cry

I have felt joy the kind that makes my heart want to sing
And so my tears are not a surrender
I know I feel that way again
But for now
For this moment

Just let me cry
I know it's hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn't going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don't ask when and don't ask why
Just let me cry

I believe that everything happens for a reason

 and as i let his spirit wash over me, i realized that he is okay with me crying every now and again. That he is not gonna smite me with more trials for experiencing and going through the emotions of earthly life... like my irrational fear that that he is up there looking down on me saying "oh you better stop crying, or i'll give you something to cry about"... instead he gently lead me to the understanding that even Jesus wept, He who had power over all, he who knew the end from the beginning, and that everything was eventually gonna be alright, and he was just experiencing mortal grief along side his friends, and i should not feel ashamed for doing so as well. because just like him, i know in the end every thing is gonna be okay, but for this moment in time, i just need to cry. and that's okay.