sweet dreams

So i normally have pretty horrible nightmares,that wake me up in cold sweats and sobs. but every once in a while i get blessed with some of the sweetest dreams ever, and they touch my heart so, that i still wake up in tears. last night I was lucky to experience one of those dreams! and i just thought i should write it down.

As i have been planning ideas for our up coming Stevenson family reunion, i had this plan to honor my grandma (who passed away a few years back.which still makes my heart ache when i think about it) with a "grandmas kitchen" dinner, where we all make our favorite of grandma's many delicious  recipes and share them at a big family dinner....that way apart of grandma will still be with us.

Well in my dream we were all sitting around this huge table for "grandmas dinner", grandpa, aunts and uncles, cousins and siblings we were all there! and we were having a fantastic time laughing and joking and sharing stories. it was a most wonderful feeling to all be together.

Then grandma appeared and she stood at the end of the table by grandpa and they embraced just like she had never left, and this was totally normal! :)  then she stood up and started telling us all how proud she is of her family, of the people we have become, of the great things that were to happen, and other lovely grandma things to say... that i cant recall any more because then she said she had a few people she wanted us to meet!

  In her arms she held some of the most adorable chubby cheek babies i have ever seen in my life!! and after she introduced these little spirits, with the pride in her eyes, i remember so well when she talked of her family while on earth, she gave them to their future mothers to hold.  as she lovingly placed them in the arms of a few of my  cousins and siblings, i had a pang in my heart, because even tho i am super fulfilled by the children and the family dynamic i have, i sometimes feel like someone is missing...  but enjoying the looks on my sisters faces, as they held their future children, the ache was swallowed in my joy for them...

But then... out of no where she holds up this teeny tiny little baby, with dark curly hair and amazing eyes! and she smiles right at me and says this one is only gonna be 6 and a half pounds! but has quite the big journey ahead to get here... grandma said isn't she beautiful and walked over and laid the baby in my arms and hugged us both as she then faded back in to a soft glowing light and then disappeared.

I woke up with tears steaming down my face and hugging my pillow, as if trying to hold on to the memory...

Now, i know this isn't really gonna happen come august, and i might not ever add another child to my family in this life. but in that moment, i loved the idea that this was my reality. and it is a dream i am grateful to have experienced.

 I miss my grandma. and every moment i get to spend with her, awake or in dream is a blessing for/to me.